Everything aches. After one month of bending over, pulling crop fabric, planting, weeding and everything else that farming is, my body is tired. It’s good kind of tired though. And to be honest, wrestling my farm manager may have been what pushed me over the edge. All I can say is that, everything hurts.

When did you stop asking questions?

There was probably a point in time when a piece of your questions were shot down for a final time and you decided (probably subconsciously) that there was no reason to continue asking your questions. These questions look like, ‘why is the sky blue’ or ‘why did she get a bigger slice of cookie’ or ‘why is my hair curly?’

It should be simple. There is one earth worth of resources given to sustain all life on the planet. These resources are in essence enough to continuously carry out life forever… and yet, we are hyper-focused on consumption. On what is already available and how to use it. We neglect the decomposition. We neglect death and demand life. We forget the importance of letting things decompose. 

Loving means taking the lump of who we are today and forgiving ourselves for what we did and didn’t do. Loving means tough work, and the beauty of the reward that follows.

Perhaps plastic bags were given to us strictly to teach us a lesson. That we cannot create what cannot easily be destroyed if it only is built for one-use in it’s lifetime. We must create things for the sake of function, durability, versatility, and beauty so that we can appreciate each thing as we use it.

The song comes on. You know what song. The one you say ‘Sh sh sh, hold on, I love this song’ as you turn up the volume. The ‘ Oh my gosh I haven’t heard this song in forever’ song, that you proceed to know every single word to.

There is no formula for love. There is no formula for how to be human. No guidebooks for what to eat, how to dress or who to be that transcends all people. There are no answers that guarantee happiness. This is what we call life.

Many of my friends have suggested ‘going slow’ which little do they know, is not an option when you are moving fast. Moving, traveling, changing place… they all lead to a feeling of ‘carpe diem’ every. single. day. With the widespread unknown of if you will see a person or a place again, each moment becomes rich with the desire to savor and slurp them up.

I want a love that isn’t afraid of feeling. A love that breathes, and gives, and takes in equal doses. The kind of love that gives you goosebumps, and is so easy that its almost hard to talk about because you don’t want to jinx it

The walking away is not easy. You are allowed to be mad, upset, hurt and all of the shit that comes along with breakups… but the more steps you put between you and that ding-dong who let you go, the more grateful (I hope) you will feel that you didn’t end up stuck in a lifetime of feeling inadequate or needy with him. Amen and thank you to that.